page in my pregnancy diary.

 

Everything felt heavy for a minute

Felt like weeks

In the days that the rain had come down hard in words and thunder around me

And it had left a residue of gray clouds in my mind as I pieced together what was left in this time

Time is moving fast

Yet my body is heavier and slower in these last few weeks of carrying life

Soon he will emerge

And enter this world

Anxiety of perfectionism patterns set in

The nesting crept up on me

As our home reeked havoc

with 3 year old footsteps

Everything in storage…

We are half in and half out

The heaviness

So I started to fall off my balance beam

As a kid I remember gymnastics and standing on the beam finding a focus and breathing

Like my yoga mat now a days

And it came back to me

As light breaking through that dark

The reminder

Of presence

As I hold belly with awe

And balance

As I kiss my daughter with heart

And nurture

As I hug myself with self care

And feel love

In that light

Shifting my focus

From needs

To gratitudes

Doesn’t mean I don’t need

What I voiced

Simplicity of touch

In my vulnerability

But I found what matters

And a new focus gives me space

To breathe

Into my own feminine power

Smile

At the beauty of my little girl wearing sunglasses in the sand

And be one

With the life I am blessed to carry

As I protect him from negative

Remind myself of my wholeness

I am love.

je suis.

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It’s been awhile since I’ve been here and between work, being a mommy and life, I missed my spoken word expression.

A few months ago, my Facebook newsfeed was covered with “Je Suis Charlie” on the horrible shooting that took place at the satirical Charlie Hebdo newspaper building in Paris.

It hit me.

Not only because it was sad that lives were lost, and not because it was in Paris, (if you know me, you know I love Paris), but because it felt like…artistic expression was attacked. And that hurt.

I had written this poem after that, and as more news popped up relating to how I felt. The ISIS destructions, Boko Haram and it’s unthinkable doings.

Alongside the Charlie massacre of 12 innocent lives lost on Jan. 7th, there was a Nigerian massacre which took place the same day, where hundreds of bodies, too many to count according to the news, proclaimed it to be the biggest massacre of Boko Haram yet.

So many innocent people are hurt and suffer.

What I loved about the Je Suis Charlie movement was that there is a clear message to the ones who are hurting this world’s people.

Regardless of the threat of hatred or violence, journalists and non-journalists alike refused to be silenced.

This poem may shock some people.

I am not a war expert or have not spent time working in the UN, for the government or on ground with military personnel.

However I have travelled and volunteered, I have met people of all races and religions and I know some things about peace from an inner place I find that really works well.

Here’s what we need to do if we want to stop it all. Excuse my language, but to f@ck Boko Haram from it’s power. The ISIS and all the terrorists.

It’s simple but there’s a whole lot of, what the New York in me calls, shootzpa, to get through.

We need to stop the sensitivity issue.

We need to prevent future massacres by allowing American and progressive Muslims to speak out forcefully against their radical coreligionists—and the media must cover it. Charlie must draw it. Poets like me must voice it.

A verse from my prose:

…”This is not a war on terrorism
It is a war on all our people
By the trapped minded terrorists
And if we can start
Telling truths
About the control of institutionalized religion
Vs freedom and power of inner consciousness…”

Check it out: